What is Attachment Parenting Australia (APA)?
Attachment Parenting Australia (APA) is a non-profit
association that aims to
provide information and support for parents interested in or
practising attachment parenting. It also aims to provide information about attachment
parenting for health professionals and researchers.
The APA website provides information about attachment
parenting; attachment parenting support groups within
Australia; online discussion groups within Australia and beyond;
links to useful websites; a list of useful books, publications
and research articles.
On this page you will find answers to the following
questions:
Attachment parenting (also called “natural parenting” or
“instinctive parenting”) is an approach to parenting that has
been practised widely for thousands of years. There has recently
been a renewed interest in this approach to parenting in Western
societies. Attachment parenting is based on the principle of
understanding a child’s emotional and physical needs and
responding sensitively to these needs. The focus of attachment
parenting is on building a strong relationship between parents
and child.
A strong and trusting relationship with your child can be
developed by following your intuition; responding to your baby’s
cries; “demand” breastfeeding for an extended period; carrying
or “wearing” your baby; using gentle ways to help your baby
sleep; co-sleeping with your baby and minimising separation from
your baby during the first few years.
However, attachment parenting is not a set of rules and does
not necessarily mean following all of the above. These practises
simply help to develop a close, empathic relationship with your
child in order to better understand your child’s needs and
feelings. Children are not seen as manipulators who must be
controlled. Attachment parenting extends beyond the early infant
period and involves a life-long desire to know your child and to
parent in an understanding and nurturing way.
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Attachment parenting:
- fosters a strong and trusting
relationship with your child.
- increases your joy in the experience of
parenting
- helps your child to become confident in themselves and able
to form good relationships with others.
- develops your child’s sensitivity towards themselves and
others. Children learn empathy and caring from parents who show
empathy and caring.
- improves your child’s physical and intellectual development.
Many aspects of attachment parenting such as breastfeeding;
close physical contact and affection; and nurturing sleep
practices have been shown to improve a child’s physical and
intellectual development.
- makes discipline easier. Children that have a strong
relationship with their parents are more easily disciplined
because they trust what their parents say and want to please
them.
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Following your intuition.
Follow your intuition rather than a strict set of rules
about when to breastfeed or when to respond to a cry.
Learning to read and respond to your baby’s cries
and “cues”.
Responding sensitively to your baby's cries and cues
builds trust between babies and their parents. The more
parents respond to their baby the more they learn about
how to respond and the better the baby becomes at
communicating her needs.
For more information about responding to your baby’s
cries and cues go to:
http://www.askdrsears.com.
Breastfeeding your baby for an extended period without
schedule feeding (that is, extended breastfeeding “on
demand”).
Breastfeeding helps you get to know your baby, provides
the best nutrition for your baby, provides comfort for
your baby, and creates a loving and nurturing bond
between mother and baby. The Australian Breastfeeding
Association (ABA) recommends that babies are breastfeed
exclusively for six months, with continuing
breastfeeding for 2 years and beyond. For many mothers
the experience of breastfeeding is not easy at first.
Mothers who are not able to breastfeed can practise
attachment parenting by holding their baby when feeding
and feeding “on demand”.
For more information and support about breastfeeding go
to the
Australian Breastfeeding Association (ABA).
Using gentle ways to help your baby sleep.
Night-time parenting or responding to your baby’s needs
at night is as important as your day-time parenting.
Babies need to be “parented to sleep”, not just put to
sleep. Some babies can be put down while drowsy yet
still awake and drift. Other babies need parental help
by being held and rocked or breastfed to sleep.
Attachment parenting does not involve leaving your baby
to cry alone in order to teach your baby how to
“self-settle”.
For more information about gentle ways to teach your
baby how to sleep see our links and
our list of useful books and publications
Co-sleeping with your baby (that is, your baby sleeps in
your bed or in your bedroom close to your bed).
Sleeping close to your baby creates a secure and
nurturing environment for your baby. This reduces your
baby’s anxiety about separation from you. It also means
that you can respond more quickly to your baby’s needs
and minimise sleep disruption for you and your baby.
Co-sleeping helps you get to know your baby. It also
assists breastfeeding and helps you to develop a strong
bond with your baby. It is common for babies to co-sleep
with their parents for the first few years of their
life. Babies who co-sleep with their parents do not have
a higher risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) or
“cot-death”. In fact, co-sleeping reduces the risk
of SIDS.
For more information about SIDS and how to co-sleep
safely with your baby go to
Attachment Parenting
International (API).
Wearing your baby close to you, such as, in a sling or
backpack.
Carrying or “wearing” your baby creates a safe and
loving environment for your aby and fulfills his need
for close physical contact. Babies cry less when worn or being
held. Carrying or wearing your baby also helps you get to know
your baby because your baby is so close to you.
See our links to for more information about slings and
backpacks.
Minimising time away from your baby during the first few
years of your baby’s life.
A strong bond is developed between a mother and her
baby. Being together most of the time, helps develop
this bond and helps support “demand” breastfeeding. With
time, the mother understands more about her baby and her
confidence in responding to her baby’s needs grows. Most
babies will want their mothers quite frequently. This
means that it may be difficult for a mother to be
more than a few minutes away in the early period, which
may include the whole of the first year of her baby’s
life. Minimising the time you spend away from your baby
in the early period will make breastfeeding easier and
strengthening your attachment with your baby.
With time, the baby becomes less dependent on the
mother and the baby’s needs will be fulfilled by other
people the baby is strongly attached to, such as, the
baby’s father or a grandparent.
Many aspects of attachment parenting are easier if a
mother remains at home for the first few years of her
baby’s life. However, for many women this situation may
not be possible or desired. A mother can still practise
attachment parenting and go back to work.
For more information about attachment parenting and
returning to work see
How can a mother return to work
and practise attachment parenting?
Finding balance in your family life.
The early years in your baby’s life are the most intense
and demanding for a family. However, it is possible to
find a balance it which the needs of other family
members are met without compromising the needs of your
baby. You can still maintain a close relationship with
your partner and your baby, especially if both parents
nurture an attachment with the baby. Being mutually
attached with their baby can bring the parents closer
together. Communicating well with your partner and
finding creative solutions to satisfying the needs of
all family members will help to create balance in your
family life.
Unrealistic expectations can also create stress in
families. Parents, particularly with their first baby, may
hold unrealistic expectations about their lifestyle; what
they can achieve day-to-day; how much time they need with
their partners without their child, and how much time they
need to themselves without their child. Having realistic
expectations and goals helps create balance with the
inevitable change in your life. There is some loss but so
much is to be gained through the joy of parenting. Try to
focus on how important the nurturing and love you give your
baby is and remember that this demanding period will pass.
The early years in your baby’s life are the most intense
and demanding. The time when you carry your baby,
breastfeed, and sleep with your baby in your bed lasts
relatively a very short time. However, the love and
nurturing your baby receives last her whole lifetime and
will help to create a happier world.
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- Developing the father’s relationship with his child
- During the early infant period the child is dependent on
his mother for lots of his needs. During this period,
fathers have an important nurturing and supportive role.
After this period, the child gradually become less dependent
on his mother, and the father will be able to fulfil more of
his needs.
- Developing good communication with your child -
Listen to your child and help her learn to express her
feelings.
- Keeping your expectations of your child appropriate
to his development and understanding.
- Maintaining an affectionate relationship with your
child appropriate to her wishes.
- Developing positive sleep practices - Young
children often go to sleep more willingly and have less
anxiety about sleep when their parents lie down with them in
their bed until they go to sleep. This is common until
school age. Older children may also enjoy some time to
discuss their day before going to sleep.
- Spending as much time as possible with your children.
- Using positive discipline - Explain to your child
the natural consequence of his behaviour rather than using
punishments. For more information about
positive discipline see our links and list of useful books
and publications.
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The attachment parenting approach to parenting has been
practised for thousands of years. It is common in non-Western
societies. There has recently been a renewed interest in this
approach in Western societies.
Many people practicing attachment parenting have not heard of
the terms “attachment parenting” or “natural parenting” but
have followed their intuition about how to sensitively respond
to their child’s needs.
Attachment parenting is not a strict set of rules. Parents
may find some aspects of attachment parenting more suitable than
other aspects of attachment parenting.
Parents who practise an attachment parenting approach come
from diverse backgrounds in terms of their financial situations,
level of education, political views and ethnic backgrounds.
People parenting in this way also have different family
situations, for example, sole parent families, extended
families, lesbian families, mothers that do not work during the
child’s early years and mothers who do work.
People practising this approach also have had a range of
positive and negative childhood experiences. Parents who were
not adequately nurtured in childhood may practise this approach
out of an awareness of the negative impact of a lack of
nurturing. Likewise, parents who were well nurtured in childhood
may practise this approach out of an awareness of the positive
impact of positive childhood experiences.
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Mothers may return to work for various reasons, including:
- financial reasons, for example, if there is partner
unable to work; if their partner is unable to work enough
hours to meet expenses; if they do not have a partner; or if
two incomes are needed to meet expenses
- their interest in work
- a concern about losing their work skills
- wanting support and friendship from colleagues/workmates
- a lack of support and friendships at home
- their under-valuing of the importance of parenting as
compared to paid work
Many aspects of attachment parenting are easier, for example,
breastfeeding ‘on demand’, if a mother remains at home for the
first few years of her child’s life. However, a mother can still
practise attachment parenting and go back to work. An attachment
parenting approach is especially beneficial to mothers who
return to work in the first few years of their child’s life.
Aspects of attachment parenting such as breastfeeding her baby
after work, carrying or “wearing” her baby, co-sleeping with her
baby and responding sensitively to her baby’s cries can help a
mother to re-connect to her baby after a workday.
Your child’s father or a grandparent may be able to care for
your child while you are at work. Having a person that your
child is strongly attached to will help create a secure and
nurturing environment for your child and will reduce separation
anxiety for your child. The child’s father or grandparent should
also try to practise an attachment parenting approach to caring
for your child, for example, feeding your baby without
schedules; using gentle ways to put your baby to sleep;
responding sensitively to your baby’s cries and carrying or
“wearing” your baby.
The following are some suggestions for mothers about
returning to work:
- It may be possible for you to bring your baby to work
with you. This will make breastfeeding easier and minimise
your baby’s separation from you. You may also be able to
carry your baby in a sling while you work.
- It is possible to continue breastfeeding and return to
work by expressing breast milk. For more information about
expressing breast milk and returning to work go to the
Australian Breastfeeding Association (ABA).
- The person who cares for your baby while you are working
may be able to bring your baby to visit you during the day.
This can create an opportunity for breastfeeding and a time
to re-connect with your baby.
- If possible try working part-time- either with shorter
days or fewer shifts a week.
- Having a child may be present an opportunity to change
the type of work you have done previously to better
accommodate the needs of your child. For example, some
mothers may start their own business from home or use the
first few years of their child’s life to study.
- It may be possible to live off one income, or an income
derived from both parents working part-time, by living more
simply. Attachment parenting support groups can be a great
source of information about how to work less and live more
simply, also known as “downshifting”. See our list of
attachment parenting support groups.
- If isolation at home is involved in a mother’s decision
to return to work, attachment parenting support groups can
provide not only an opportunity to meet with other parents
to discuss parenting issues but can provide friendships with
other parents and children. See our list of
attachment parenting support groups.
For more information about returning to work see our
links and our list of
useful books and publications .
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Although an attachment parenting approach is becoming more
popular in Western societies, most parents’ approach to
parenting in Western societies is less child-centred. Because
attachment parenting is not as frequently practised as other
approaches, some aspects of attachment parenting are not well
understood and can be challenging for some people. The following
are common misconceptions about attachment parenting. Each
misconception is linked to useful information which may assist
parents in communicating to others about attachment parenting:
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Every parent tries to do the best he or she can to love her
child. It can be very difficult for any parent to be criticised
about his or her parenting practice. It is important not to
criticise others about their parenting. The following are
suggestions about how to deal with criticisms of your parenting:
- Try to focus on how important your parenting approach is
to you. Remind yourself that nurturing your child will help
to create a happier child and a happier world. See
What are the benefits of attachment parenting?
- Surround yourself as much as possible with friends and
family who value what you are doing. Parents practising
attachment parenting may also be a great source of
information about how to deal with criticisms about
parenting. See our list of attachment
parenting support groups and
attachment parenting online discussion groups.
- It may be helpful to explain to the people who are
criticising your parenting the reasons why you are doing
certain things to help them to understand.
- In some circumstances, explaining to people about the
reasons why you are doing certain things can make you feel
more vulnerable and stressed. It may be better to simply say
“it works for us”.
Robin Grille has written an
interesting article about this kind of criticism.
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Attachment Parenting International (API) is a non-profit
member organization whose members network with parents,
professionals and members of other like-minded organisations
around the world. In addition to providing assistance in forming
attachment parenting support groups, API develops and provides
educational materials, research information, consultative,
referral and speaker services to
promote attachment parenting.
API promotes
The Eight Principles of Attachment Parenting.
Recognizing that every family is unique, these ideals are
guidelines to help parents understand their child’s needs to
develop a secure attachment.
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